I had the special honor of having my beautiful and talented wife, Stephanie Van Allan, as my first ever guest on the podcast this week. Stephanie sets very high expectations for herself in all areas of life, and with that, can cause some pressure and anxiety to mount up. This week she had some pointed and honest things to say to all of our listeners, both Moms and Dads, about helping our mothers deal with the pressure of their roles and how communications plays a vital part to it all.
TRIGGERS
Stephanie mentioned she knows her ‘triggers’ for what can set her off or get under her skin with our kids. She has put plans into place to, first, recognize when one of her triggers has been activated, and then, second, shut it down, get ahead of it, or plan so it won’t happen again. If she knows she has to be out the door at a certain time, she may lay the kids’ clothes out a day earlier, make all the lunches, and get stuff already in the car. This will allow her not to get ‘triggered’ in the morning when the kids are dragging their feet! She already has her to do list done for the morning.
COMPARISONS
Moms love to compare themselves to others Moms. What are they doing? Should I do it like that? How did they learn that? Am I doing a better job than them or vice versa? She talks about staying in your lane and keeping your focus and energy on your own family. What successes can you celebrate as a family unit? Instead of worrying about what other Moms are doing, turn your focus inward on how you can be a better Mom on your own while giving yourself grace and turning off social media!
ME TIME
This was a big part of our discussion because our Moms need their own time too. Whether it be alone time, time with friends, or couple time, it is vital to keep the lines of communication open with these channels. Stephanie and I make it a priority to spend time together, talk to each other, take walks, date each other, and see our friends. These are some things we call our ‘non-negotiables’. She talks about the desire to eliminate ‘mom guilt’ and enjoy some personal time when it arises.
It is a real and true look at motherhood through the eyes of someone who doesn’t claim to have it all together (because who does) but is working at it, finding balance, and thriving in the process. Thanks for listening!