We’ve been right in the middle of this sub-series ‘Under Pressure’ focusing on different members of the family. I have really enjoyed bringing in some guests for these last two shows, as their voices provide unique perspectives as a busy, high-performing and ultra involved parent. This week I focused on all that Dads have to deal with, and my special guest is Devin Shaw from Wesley Chapel, Florida. I went to high school with Devin’s wife, and we’ve connected over the past year because of a lot of common interests.
I led off the podcast with a statistic that really struck me and just shows how much our Dads need some attention in the communication and mental health arena. I found a survey of 1,287 working Dads that revealed that 72% feel emotionally and physically worn out. The studies goes on to say that a lot of very successful Dads in their careers feel defeated in parenthood because there is so much that can go wrong and lots of unknowns. So you have a very successful career Dad who beats himself up at home because of the mistakes or shortcomings of being a parent. This adds up to a recipe for anxiety and pressure.
Devin talks a lot about a symbiotic relationship with his wife and the system they have in place at home. Both members of their family work full time, high pressure health care jobs and have 3 kids under 6 on top of it. Their system and trust in each other is quite impressive to make sure everything gets done and there is room to spare. They each have their own outlets to discuss deeper feelings and have exercise time built in. They’ve also made it a priority not to care so much about other’s eyes in public. Kids are going to act up and are not always a reflection on parenting. Kids are simply put…unpredictable!
We both agreed that these next few lines from an article on AllProDad.com rings true in the life of fathers out there:
Anything can happen when you have kids. Literally, anything.
I do much better when I know what’s coming and how I’m going to handle it.
Kids are unpredictable. I can nurture, mold, and discipline my kids, but I can’t control their decisions or behavior.
I catch myself living in fear of how I will be perceived by what my kids do.
I live in fear of being confronted with situations as a parent where I have no idea what to do or say.
Our wise marriage counselor told us when we were expecting our first: when your baby is born, start letting go.
I realize now that I need to let go of more than just my kids. I need to let go of my fears and the need to control. Embrace the mess!
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Fatherhood is an amazing journey that will push you to the limits but at the same time be the most rewarding and enriching role ever. It is a roller coaster ride that I have enjoyed every step of the way. Like all of you, I work it, try to enjoy it, be a team with my wife, and love my kids unconditionally. We constantly COMMUNICATE because I want them to be MOTIVATED to do the same in the future.
If you want to contact Devin for more information on what he does, please email him dshawgc@gmail.com and follow on Instagram @dshaw13. In addition to being a nurse anesthetist, Devin is a Presidential Founder with Green Compass CBD. This is another opportunity to help manage stress and deal with anxiety in a completely organic way.